Know Your Stars!: KH Style!
by Hylasx
Summary: Basically what the title says. I WILL BE UPDATING SOON! has been sick SORRY TO ALL MY VIEWERS!
1. Demyx

Know Your Stars: Kingdom Hearts style

Disclaimer: Yush, yush. Don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters and all that jazz.

Authors' Note: This was written with the help of mah friend Brianna .

**Bold:** Mysterious Voice, AKA: ME!

_Italics: Victim…ahem…I mean, guest._

Demyx was walking around Hollow Bastion when he discovered a door that had never been there before. _What's this? _He said to himself as he opened the door. When Demyx set foot into the room a light came on in the center, revealing a lonely looking chair. _Huh... _Demyx walked to the chair and sat down upon it. As ass met chair a mysterious female voice appeared, seemingly to come from nowhere.

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars**

_Wha? What's that! _Looks around, apparently confused.

**Demyx…**

_Yes?_

…**He loves Axel.**

…_O.o He's my friend…_

_**Yeah…boyfriend.**_

…_No he's not! _Fume.

**Suuuuure. Demyx, he's afraid of water.**

_Um, hello! I wield water! How can be afr_- 

**Aw, look at the poor baby! He's so scared of the water! **A glass of water appears before Demyx, attached to a string.

Demyx screams.

**HA! You ARE afraid of water!**

_Am not! You just…er…scared me 'cause I wasn't expecting that random glass of water!_

…**Ahem. Demyx**

_ENOUGH LIES! _Poofs up Sitar _Dance, Water, Dance! _The water people sprouted up all over the place now.

Arched a brow, not like it could be seen though. **Right…** the Ceiling opened up and a giant super absorbency paper towel fell on Demyx's water people. They got soaked up.

**Wuahaha!**

Demyx gasped _Where the hell did you get that!_

**Internet?**

_Kay_…He sat back down.

**Demyx…he's not really a Nobody. He's got a heart and everything. He just likes to pretend.**

_Really!_

**NO!**

_…Y-you're so mean!_

**Now you know Demyx. The Axel lover who says he's just a friend, but is really his boyfriend, afraid of water, and likes to play pretend boy.**

_**Hee hee. Sorry it was so short, but I couldn't think of anything else. Please R&R! Next Victim is Axel or maybe Riku. Haven't decided yet. Ja ne!**_


	2. Axel

Hey guys, sorry bout the first Chapter being all sort of messed up and junk. Here is the second chapter. Victim? Upon request, AXEL!

Bold: Mysterious Voice. ME 

_Italics: Victim._

Axel was approaching the "door that never was" right as Demyx was running out of it. Axel arched a brow and walked into the room, sitting down in the chair cause he's a lazy bum.

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars**

_What the hell?_

**Axel, he hates Roxas.**

_WHAT! You lie!_

**Heh. Axel, he loves Rainbow Monkeys'.**

…_What the hell is a Rainbow Monkey?_

**Now, now, don't play stupid…stupid. We all know you have a collection**! 

_You'll pay for that you mysterious voice you! _Flames spurt out from the ground all around Axel, and his spiky wheels appear (I wonder if he's ever been juggling them and poked himself O.o).

**FIRE!** The alarm goes off, the sprinklers go on and put out Axel's flames. **You lose! Hahahaha!**

_Bitch_ He muttered while he sizzled, thanks to the water, and smoke rolled off him.

A Fire extinguisher now appeared out of nowhere and blew its contents all over Axel.

**Don't want the sprinklers' to go off again and get you all wet, now do we? **The voice, of course, was all safe and dry in her mysterious hidden secret spot.

Axel grumbled.

**Ahem, anyways. Axel…he's really a woman in disguise.**

…_Do you SEE any BREASTS!_

**Yes…your man boobs.**

_Ha! You said it! I am a man! I have man boobs! _Now realizing what he said. _No, wait!_

**So you admit to having man boobs? Okay. Ahem. Axel, he has just admitted that he is not a girl, but is in fact a man with man boobs which causes people to THINK he is a woman.**

_Ah! You misunderstood me!_

**Now you know, Axel, the Roxas hating, Rainbow Monkey loving, who is not woman but in fact a man with man boobs…man.**

_NO THEY DON'T! You come back here right now! Arg! _He tried to spurt flame but he only sizzles some more. _DAMMIT! _Stalks off.


	3. Riku

Hey guys! Glad you all have liked this one so far. Next, upon request, is RIKU! Sorry you Sora lovers, Riku out voted you . Next is Sora, I promise!   
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts or the characters.

Okay, I'm getting sick of the bold and italics messing up. Oh well.

Axel now stomped out of the "room that never was" and almost straight into the power hungry, but every so yummy, Riku. "Gah! Get out of my way!" He shouted. Riku sweatdropped "What…what were you doing in there?"

"…Nothing!" Shouted Axel "AND STOP STARING AT MY MAN BOOBS!" He now ran away.

Riku arched a brow, walked into the room and sat down in the chair.

"**What? Oh! Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars"**

…

**Riku, he has get it on with Sephiroth.**

You're sick… 

**What? Why thank you I try.**

_Ugh…_

**Riku, not only does he get it on with Sephy-kun, but Sephy-kun is also his father.**

_NO HE'S NOT! _Fume.

**So you do get it on with him? Ah.**

_That's not what I said! ;;_

**But you didn't say it, so that's what you must've meant to say!**

_You…you!_

**Riku, he's bipolar.**

_No I'm not! That was Ansem!_

**No, no. That was YOU in that grass skirt and-GASP YOU CROSSDRESSER!**

_A-am not! ;;_

**Riku, he wears womens' clothing because he's bipolar. Well…considering his other side was Ansem o.o**

…_I'm not a crossdresser!_

**Riku, he cried like a baby when Sora found him**.

_Nuh uh! That was Sora!_

**Well, you would've cried had you not been regretting the color lipstick you picked to wear for Sora…**

_I know! I should've gone with Pretty Plum_ Sigh.

**…Um…n-now you know, Riku, the boy who gets it on with his father, sephy-kun, bipolar cross dresser cry-baby boy who regrets the** **color of his lipstick!**

**Heehee. R&R Please! Next one is Sora, I promise. After that, I might do Larxene. Dunno, maybe Saix.**


	4. Sora

Okay! Sora time!

Disclaimer: Dun own any Kingdom Hearts Chars or the game, yadda yadda.

Sora was walking along through the halleway now when a very…confused looking Riku bumped into him "Wha! Oh S-Sora! I…BYE!" He was blushing like mad(aw) as he ran away. I bet if he was nakey his whole body would've been red. Sora sweatdropped "….weird…" He now walked into the room, sat in the chair and fell victim to the voice!

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars.**

_WhaT? O.o_

**Sora, he's not really the keyblade master.**

_YES I AM! YOU LIE_! 

**Sora, his keyblade, unlike Riku's, is made of moldy cheese.**

_IT IS NOT!_

**Oh, that's right. It's made of moldy cardboard, my bad.**

…………_you…_He formed his keyblade.

**Sora, makes love to Axel's Rainbow Monkeys.**_ Axel, in the background scrams at Sora "YOU BITCH!"_

_I do NOT make love to Monkeys'!_

**Of course you don't, just the Rainbow ones.**

_You perv!_

**Thanks**. **Sora, he wears big shoes because he's compensating for his shortcoming**

_EXCUSE ME!_

**You're excused.**

…_My shoes aren't big!_

**Yeah, that's what the Rhino said about his ass.**

_You're a mean voice, you know that!_

**And you're a kid who hit puberty a bit too late.**

In squeaky voice _YoU Don'T knOW AnyThING!_

**Mocking. And YoU aRE a DoOSh.**

…_.I HATE YOU!_

**Good. Now you know, Sora. The Fake Keyblade Master who's sword is made of moldy cheese and cardboard, who screws only the** **Rainbow Monkeys' from Axel's collection, compensating for his short coming with his shoes, late BlOomER boy.**

**Teehee. Hope you guys liked this one too. Next one's either Saix or Larxene. Dunno yet. R&R! Ja ne!**


	5. Saix

Okay, I couldn't decide whom to do so I'm going to do eni meeny miny moe.

Okay, I got Saix! Ansem will be next then. ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the characters and all that jazz.

Saix was now walking along towards where all the noise was coming from. He had nearly given Demyx a heart attack and the boy shouted "Ah! WATER!" It was the strangest thing. Next, he had almost been run over by a sizzling Axel who wanted to break Demyx's Sitar (apparently Axel thought Demyx was the voice and was tricking him ). This was all very strange. Next, he DID get run over! By RIKU! That poor bipolar boy was ranting and Saix heard things like "Sora…I'm ugly…. no make up on…." As Riku ran by him, Saix arched his brow, stood, dusted himself off and continued on. He was ready this time…he wouldn't be "GAH!" He exclaimed as he was, once again, knocked off his feet by none other than a rampaging Sora. He grumbled as he stood, dusted himself off AGAIN and walked over to the door which Sora came from "Let's see what's so damn scary…" He opened the door and saw the chair "What?" He exclaimed as he walked over to it and sat down

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars!**

_Um..Okay O.o_

**Saix…he's an old man.**

_What! I am not!_

**Yes you are! Your hair is gray!**

_SO! That doesn't mean I'm old_! 

**Oh, so I guess it's premature aging? GASP! Saix, has that disease where you age quicker than normal. (Wish I could remember the name**)

_I do not! YOU LIE! STOP IT!_

**Saix, he's a Sephy wannabe.**

_A-am not! ._

**Saix, he has a shrine of Sephiroth in his closet.**

_How did you know about that! O.O_

**I'm magic………**

_Stop going through my things! _

** Saix, he's jealous of Axel's pretty hair**

…_A-Am not! My hair's loads better! _He pouted, knowing Axel's hair is way better than his.

**Saix, he eats babies!**

_What! No I don't! _He burps, and small arm comes out_ Er… . _

**GASP! You really DO eat babies! Oh my god! EVERYONE HIDE YOUR KIDS!**

_No! It's…it's just candy! ;;_

**Now you know Saix, the old man, Sephy-wannabe, Sephy-shrine having, who is jealous of Axel's pretty hair BABY EATER**.

**R&R! Next is Ansem!  
**


	6. Larxene

Okay, Okay. I know I /said/ this chapter would be Ansem, but…I've decided to do Larxene because my friend sonicchica would like me too. Not to mention, I have some shit to dish about her. Wuaha!

Disclaimer: Dun own Kingdom Hearts or the Chars and all that.

Saix walked out of the room that's never been, shutting the door that never was behind him. He looked around, reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out a cute plushy of Sephiroth. He cuddled and nuzzled it as he walked down the hall "That's right…no more mean Mysterious Voice " Petpetplushy. Larxene, who just happened to be walking by, arched a brow "…Right…" She now happened upon the door that never was and walked inside the room that's never been. A light came on in the center of the room, falling upon the chair that…um…SHUT UP! . She sits down in it.

**Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars.**

She arched a brow.

**Larxene…she dyes her hair.**

_I do not, you bitch!_

…**Your roots are showing…**

_Ah! WHERE! _She took out a random mirror from nowhere and began checking.

…**Larxen, her bangs aren't really her hair. They're her antennae in disguise.**

_GASP! What! T-They are not! YOU LIE!_

**…She's really one of those black bug lookin' heartless. Tsk tsk tsk. Tricking everyone like that. How rude.**

…_I am not! Why are telling these lies! _?Big teary eyes _You're so mean!_

**I know. Ahem…Larxene, is not a heartless at all. She is an overgrown ant, hence her feelers.**

She looked up from feeling her way around a rather large piece of bread with her hair "_How'd you know! I mean…Nuh-uh you bitch!" _Twitch…twitch twitch.

There was a pause.

Larxene's right feeler twitched.

**…Larxene…is in love with Axel(Who wouldn't be! drool)**

_I…I…o.o;  
_

**That's right. She's so speechless with love she…well…can't speak.**

**Larxene, has to meet Axel in secret or Demyx might kick her worthless ass.**

_I could beat the freak any day! _Brandishes fist

**…Which is why you have water burn, right?**

_YES! Wait…what! What the hell is water burn!_

**Something only YOU get when Demyx kicks your butt. WATER BURN! In the shape of his fist! Yay!**

_You're crazy! _There was some yelling heard in what seemed like Demyx's voice and a pleading one which sounded a lot like Axel's.

"Please don't!" The door was kicked open and in walked Demyx, glaring at Larxene "You bitch!"

_Wha!_

Demyx tackled Larxene out of the chair and began his attack!

Meanwhile, Axel and the mysterious voice were having there own conversation.

"So…whatchya doin' later tonight, huh?" Axel grinned.

Giggling**Well, I was going to go down to this club later…**

"Oh really? Mind if I join?" Grin grin.

**Not at all! Oh…excuse me one moment…Ahem….Now you know, Larxene, the bad dye job, over grown ant in disguise, who's in love** **with Axel girl! Yay!**

The voice turned her attention back to Axel **How about we go get a few drinks instead**

"I'm up for that "

Axel and his date now leave. Wuaha.

**Eh, I had a few more I wanted to do but it might not have been appropriate…if you guys' know what I mean . R&R! Dunno who the next one is O.o. Any ideas?**


	7. Zexion

Okay! Here is, upon request from a friend of a friend, Zexion!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts nor the characters and all that jazz.

Zexion, having heard sooo much about this door that never was and the room that's never been, he decided to check it out for himself. It took him a good while to find it though. Once he did, he opened the door and sat down in the chair "This doesn't seem to bad…"

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars.**

**Zex-**

_I knew you were there. I could smell your darkness_ He hisses.

**Actually, I just farted.**

…

**Moving on. Zexion, was abused as a young Nobody and used as a Police Dog to sniff out cocaine. Mostly in Saix's booty.**

_What the hell is cocaine! I wouldn't touch Saix with a fifty foot pole you sicko!_

**Zexion…?**

_What…!_

**I just have one question…**

_Ugh. Go on…_

**CAN YOU SMELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE IS COOKIN'!**

Zexion glared at the ceiling. _Ya know, that was so funny the first TEN THOUSAND TIMES!_

**HAHAHAHAH! HOOOHAHAHAHA**!

_Shu-_

**No wait, I'm not done. HA HA HA HA WUAHAHAHA! HA HA HA!**

He waited a moment then spoke. _Shu-_

**No! No! Still not done! HA HA HA HA! HA HA!…**.

_Shut-_

**HA!**

………_Shu-_

**HA!**

**­**_SHUT UP! . This isn't funny!_

**But it is to me…and the viewers out there. WUAHAHA!**

**Phew, what a laugh. Ahem…Zexion, loves the fact that was Ansem the Wise's first lab rat Yay!**

_You…you bitch_ He glared at the ceiling, got off the chair and curled into a fetal position _No more shots, no more tubes, no more nasty warming lubes…_he began to suck his thumb.

…**Now you know, Zexion, the abused Nobody who was once a Police Dog used for sniffing out drugs in Saix's booty, who can't smell what I'm cooking, lab rat boy.**


	8. Ansem

Okay, okay. I know I said I was gunna do Xigbar or Xemnas. Well, Xigbar out voted him but I reaaaally wanna do Ansem from. Sooo…I am! But Xigbar is next, I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the characters…No matter how yummy Riky, Axel, Saix and Xigbar are ;;

Ansem(Who is really Xehanort's heartless ha ha!) had also heard rumors of this supposed room. Unlike poor lab rat Zexion, Ansem didn't have to find the room. Here merely poofed through a portal and he was there! He sat down in the nice lovely chair and crossed one leg over the other.

**Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars.**

…Glare.

**Ansem…is a pedophile.**

_What? That's absurd._

**No it's not! You are a pedophile!**

_And just how am I a pedophile? _Arches brow, clearly getting slightly annoyed.

**Well…old mens don't got around possessing INSANELY HOT fifteen year old sex bombs without being a pedophile! **Points accusingly with a large gloved hand that appeared out of nowhere.

Ansem sweatdropped _"Um…"_

**Moving on. Ahem…Ansem, never really cared about darkness, he always found the light at the end of the tunnel where Axel's fluffy Rainbow Monkeys' play. Why? CAUSE HE MOLESTS THEM…WITH SORA!**

…_ ;; Um..t-that's not true!_

**Then what's that in your lap!**

_There's nothing there!_

…**OMG! Look over there! Riku's naked! . **

Ansem looks "_Really!"_

A rainbow monkey is quickly placed in his lap.

**Oh, my bad…but…SEE! THERE IS A RAINBOW MONKEY IN YOUR LAP AND….and…GASP it has…STAINS! **She presses a button and lots of people gasping can be heard.

…_You just fooled me with promises of a naked Riku so you could put this thing in my lap! _Points accusingly.

**…I never promised anything, and how could I have gotten down there and back to…where I am… . in such a short amount of time! I'd have to be the Flash to do that!** Course, no one knew that she secretly was the Flash! HA HA!

…_You're horrible!_

**Ansem, he loves the light within all hearts!**

_No I don't! Darkness will consume all and I will be ALL POWERFUL! _Has that weird hand spasm thing like in the end of KH1 before you fight him….HAND SPASM!

**Eeew…stop your hand spasm! GASP! Ansem…he has Parkinson's…**

_I…I…_He starts balling and poofs out in his pool of Darkness.

**Well…now you know Ansem, the Pedophile who molests Axel's Rainbow Monkeys' with Sora. Now…it is time for ME to go molest Axel! WEE!**

Heehee. Please R&R. Next is Xigbar then after that Xemnas! Ja ne!


	9. Sephiroth

Sorry it's taken so long to update, I know I said I'd do Xigbar next, buuuut I can't. My friend Jessica and I are going to do it together . Sooo, until then, here's Sephiroth .

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom hearts or the characters, nor Final Fantasy and the characters and all that great junk.

Bold: Mysterious Voice…ME! Italics: Victim 

The one-winged angel was walking down the hallway, his eyes closed. That's right he's so bad ass he doesn't have to walk with his eyes open. A few seconds later…BAM! He tripped, hitting his forehead on the floor "GAR!" He exclaimed, standing up and holding his poor fore-head. "Stupid floor! I WILL ABSORB YOUR CELLS!" He started to, but then he noticed the door off to his left "….". He decided to walk in. Loe and behold! There was his mother, sitting in the chair "Mother!". He cried, running over to her and hopping her lap. The hologram disappeared, the door slam shut and Sephiroth was now sitting in the chair "Wha-?".

**Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars**

_What did you do with Mother, fiend!_

**Sephiroth, he hates his mother with a passion.**

_LIES!_

**Sephiroth, was sexually abused by Hojo.**

Sephiroth fidgeted in his chair, covering his arse. _I…I was not!_

**Sephiroth, he only carries that long sword around because he has a small pee-pee.**

_YOU DARE TALK TO THE GREAT SEPHIROTH LIKE THAT! _Fuuuume!

…Arches a brow **Shut up --**

_GASP! YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL ABSORB YOUR CELLS! WUAHAHAHAHA! _ He tries to, but he just fizzles and his hair frizzes _What is this trickery! GAR!_

**Heheh. This is room is you-proof.**

_NO ROOM CAN CONTAIN ME! I AM A GOD! _He tries to fly, but since he only has one wing he just flies around in circles. _Erg...Can't…fly straight! GAR!_

**Heheheh. Sephiroth, since he was so mentally and physically abused as a child…he never actually hit puberty. In fact, he doesn't have a pee-pee at all!**

…_That's it…you are SO DEAD when I find you! _He pulls out his stupid insanely long sword and pokes himself in the eye. _Agh! ;; I hate you all! _He ran out of the room crying.

**Now you know, Sephiroth, the man who hates his mother, was sexually abused by Hojo, who carries around a big sword to make up for his non-existant small pee-pee who never hit puberty…man. Wait…then how is he a man? o.o**

** R&R!  
**


	10. Cloud

Okay! Jessica still isn't back yet, so no Xigbar. BUT here is…er…mutter eni meeny miny moe...HA! Cloud!

**Bold: Mysterious Voice**

_Italics: Vitctim._

Disclaimer: I dun own any of the Final Fantasy games, Kingdom Hearts, or the characters.

Poor Sephiroth was so distraught he went and crawled into a hole. Meanwhile, Cloud passed this hole. "…What are you doing in there?" asked Cloud. Sephiroth didn't respond, he just…sucked his thumb. Cloud shook his head and came upon the door. "…Let's see what beat Sephiroth", he muttered to himself as he pushed open the door and saw Aeries in the chari. "….." he ran over to sit on her lap, much like Sephy-kun had done with his mommah, but she too disappeared and Cloud was left in the chair. Aw.

**Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars**

Glare.

**Cloud, he didn't really love that bitch…what's-her-face, he just used her.**

_What would I use her for!_

**Well…you ARE a guy and she IS a fairly-pretty girl…**

_I would never! That's horrible!_

**I'm sure….Ahem. Cloud, stole Sephy's wing.**

_I did not! He's got his own! Besides, mine's a bat wing! _Floofs it out. _See!_

**…Well Sephy had two! One angel and one bat! So there! You took his wing! THIEF!**

_I took nothing from him!_

**'Cept his mommah! GASP! OMG! SEPHIROTH! CLOUD KILLED YOUR MOM!**

_What! No I didn't! O.O . _He looked scared now.

Sephiroth burst through the door. "YOU BIOotchkagho" Fizz.

Cloud eeked but then stopped as Sephiroth fizzed. _What the hell? O.o_

**Aaaw dammit! **She hissed, pressing the button on the control furiously. **That cost good munny! Er.. I mean….um…Cloud, also stole Vincent's cape while he was sleeping in his coffin.**

_He gave it to me…_

**Yeah…right. That's why he's been running around outside frantically searching for his cape?**

_You liar…_

**Here…see for yourself. **A screen rolls out in front of Cloud and movie comes on…a very poorly made movie. The background was drawn with crayons and looked to be color by a three year old, and a poorly made puppet of Vincent came on the screen. "Oh no…where is my cape? I cannot fly with...ou…what's that word? It's smudged…Oh! Without it! . …I hope he didn't hear that…". "We're still rolling". Came another voice. "Oh shit! O.O". One of the puppet Vincent's eye popped out then the screen rolled back up.

**That's clearly genuine proof!**

…_You…you expect me to believe that?_

**…Yes?**

…_You're insane._

**Why thank you!**

**Cloud, he really wears a wig.**

…_No I don't! This is MY hair _He tugs on it…and the wig falls off, revealing his balding self with random stray hairs. _…NOOO! _He now ran out of the room…crying.

**Heheh. Now you know Cloud, who really used that infuriating cheerful woman, who stole Sephy's OTHER wing, who also stole Vincent's cape, balding man.**

Cloud's sobs could still be heard.

**WUAHAHA!**

R&R! Ja ne!


	11. Vincent

Okay, I know he wasn't in KH…But I'm doing him anyways…just for the hell of it. Also, credit goes to Jess for helping with this chappy. Also Jessica and I have nothing against gays, satanists, illegal aliens and so forth .

**Bold: Mysterious Voice**

_Italics: Victim._

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, it's characters, any Final Fantasy or their characters.

Vincent sweatdropped at seeing a disgruntled Cloud emerge from this door. "Hm…". He walked inside and sat down in the chair.

**Know your stars, Know Your-holy shit o.o**

_What? O.o_

…**Vincent Valentine. What are you doing here! I was scheduled for Xigbar!**

_Oh…er…he's incapacitated at the moment. _Xigbar was actually stuffed in a closet somewhere down the hall. _Ahem…_

**Right then…Anyways, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars…**

Smilesmile.

**Vincent, apparently he was inappropriate for Kingdom Hearts.**

_Ya think so? O.o_

**Well, yeah! I mean, c'mon, you're cool as hell! Why else do you think they put /Aries/ in it and not you?**

_Yeah…I guess._

_Well what could be considered 'inappropriate'..? o.O;;_

**Your limits, your attacks... C'mon, 'Satan Slam'? Everyone knows that even though Disney allows all the gays and the illegal aliens and whatever else, they don't allow satanists..!**

_But I'm not satanic.._ sweatdrop 

**Then change your attack names!**

_But-_

**Nope! Do it and maybe they'll let you in! Oh…you need to take your cape back from Cloud, I think he stole it from you…**

_I was wondering why it was bit drafty…_

**Well, anyways, that's all the time we have for tonight! So, now you Know, Vincent Valentine, the one who just didn't quite make it, but he's still pretty anyways! **She gives him a sucker.

_But they don't know any-oooh! A sucker! _He takes it and wanders off.


	12. Xigbar

Okay! Here is the long awaited chapter for XIGBAR! Yaaay! Some props go to Jessica for help on this one .

Discalimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the characters and all that jazz.

**Bold: Myserious Voice**

_Italics: Victim_

Xigbar was walking along, being all…Xigbarish when he came across the oh so troublesome door. "hm…" He stepped inside and sat down in the chair.

**Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars**

… Arches a brow.

**Xigbar, he talks like a sufer dude to make himself seem like a young boy, though this does nothing for his age spots.**

Glare.

**Xigbar, that eye patch is just for show.**

_LIES! _Points accusingly.

**He didn't really lose that eye, he just wants to be cool...like Axel...cause Axel's so cool and pretty and Xigbar isn't! >  
**

_Why don't you come down here and say that to my face!_

**I'd rather not…your age might infect my smexyness…**

…_rrrrgh, you're just scared cause you know I'll whoop you!_

…**I'm sure…Xigbar, he uses those long range weapons because he sucks at close range combat.**

_How do you know that!_

**Well…Sora wouldn't have had to fight you FIFTEEN TIMES if you didn't have your stupid weapons. How do I know this? Because I'm smart and you're OLD! See, since you're so old you wouldn't have been able to move very fast and Sora would've whooped you easy. But since you're A PAIN IN THE ASS you had to be all stupid and use those damn weapons! I WILL KILL YOU THIS TIME DAMMIT!**

He sweatdropped and slowly edged towards the door.

A big flyswatter came out of nowhere and swatted him. **WHERE ARE YOU GOING! I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU! **Fume.

Xigbar eeked and climbed through the holes in the over grown flyswatter and ran out the door.

**ARG! YOU COME BACK HERE NOW! **She now pushed lots of buttons and made missils and those stupid purple bullets shoot at Xigbar while he ran down the hall. **How do you like that! HUH! NOT SO FUN IS IT! GAR! DIE! **Pushpushpush.

The end . R&R! Ja ne!


	13. Xaldin

All right…to StarXIII…the comment about the fifteen times fighting Xigbar was just put in there for humor. I beat him the first time I tried on my friend's game, thank you very much. That was the first time I've EVER played the game. I haven't played it since because my PS2 sucks much ass and I have to get a new one. Also, I don't own the game yet. So, I don't think I'm stupid. Thanks Oh. I'm not meaning to be mean, I'm just stating the fact and what not so please don't take it that way. I loves you all! Anyways, this chapter is Xaldin because I hate him and he looks like a monkey.

**Bold: Mysterious Voice **

_Italics: Victim _

Xaldin, having seen Xigbar run out of the door, arched a brow and walked in, sitting down in the chair.

**Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars.**

…_What be this trickery of the ears?!_

**AAAH! MONKEY! **Points.

_Where?! _Looks around.

**Oh…nevermind…that's just Xaldin.**

_I do NOT look like a Monkey! _

**Yes you do! MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!! **

_NOT A MONKEY! MONKEY!!!! Rrrgh… _

**Xaldin, he's not really a Monkey, those sideburns are fake. He just wears them to look all manly because he attacks people with pointy wooden sticks.**

_They're called LANCES!_

**Lance Bass?! WHERE?! TELL ME WHERE HE IS SO THAT I CAN YELL AT HIM FOR PLAYING SEPHIROTH'S VOICE IN THE FIRST GAME!**

Sweatdrop. _Um…_

…**Xaldin, your side burns are falling off…**

_What?! OMG! _Takes out his super stick glue and sticks them back on.

…**Right.**

_You didn't see anything… _Waves hands in front of him.(Yay Madagascar!)

…**Xaldin, he's jealous of Axel's manliness because he has spikey wheels and all Xaldin has are pointy wooden sticks.**

_I am NOT jealous of Axel! _

**But you do fight with pointy wooden sticks… **

_They're LANCES not pointy sticks and they're not wooden either! They're made of a special kind of metal just for me!_

…**GASP! A special kind of metal?! OMG! YOU'RE A WEREWOLF!**

_I am not!_

**If they were made out a special kind of metal then that MUST mean they're not silver and we ALL know that silver kills werewolves! YOU'RE A WEREWOLF!**

…_N-no!_

At this point, Saix stomped in holding up a dead baby. "So you're the one who's been eating my babies!" He shouted. "YOU SHALL DIE!"

Xaldin eeped and ran away, right out the door.

"GET BACK HERE!" Shouted Saix as he ran after Xaldin.

The Mysterious Voice sweatdropped **Oh dear…well…um…now you know Xaldin the Monkey/Werewolf man!**

R&R! Ja ne!(oh, for the person who asked it means like…good bye or some shit like that).


	14. Yuffie

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Been in the hospital and I got into a car accident. I'm okay though! Here's Yuffie!

Disclaimer: I dun own Kingdom Hearts or the charas or any FF's or their charas and all that jazz.

**Bold: MV(ME! )**

_Italics: Victim_

Yuffie, seeing Xigbar woosh past her and knock her over cause she's stupid, wondered why and what he was running from. "Hm". Now SHE walked through the door that never was and into the room that's never been and the chair…that…is just a chair!

**Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars, Know Your Stars.**

…

**Yuffie…EEEEW! You're so FAT!**

…_Wha? I am a size negative five!_

**What? **Puts on glasses **Aah…ANOREXIC!**

Yuffie, after throwing up over the side of the chair, looked up. _Am not!_

**Yuffie, liked Vincent soooo much and was soooo sad that he didn't like her because he's obsessed with Lucrecia decided that to make him like her she'd be SKINNY!**

Yuffie...was still throwing up.

MV growled **I'm trying to ruin you over here…**

Yuffie's still throwing up.

**Aw, Vincent…are those flowers for me?**

_WHAT! VINCENT IS MINE!_

**You're like…fifteen…and he's, what…a bajillion? **

_AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!_

**Yes, and it appears to be in my favor **

_BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU! Just like I killed Lucrecia!_

**GASP! YOU killed Lucrecia? Highly doubtful. Didn't she die /before/ you were born?  
**

_I killed her with my psycho anorexia mental mind powers from inside the WOMB!_

**Psycho? Definatly…Yuffie…is a sucky ninja.**

_I am not! I am the numba won ninja!_

…**.Ninja are calm /and/ quiet, and defiantly not anorexic. All you have done is freak out, yell, make loud noises and throw up.**

Yuffie threw up...again.

…**Now you- ugh, I'm not even gunna bother…** walks off and lets Yuffie throw up some more.

Please R&R. Sorry if this one's not quite as funny. I was in a rush. Got a doc. appointment to go to . Next Victim...I dun really know yet. Throw some ideas out there!


End file.
